I still have to read through the rest, but fundamentally I agree with the informative posters on the first page. It depends on use, weight, and frequency. I don't tow a lot, and when I do it's usually about 6-7k max. That was starting to stress my old '99 1500 5.9L but the 6.4L 2500 doesn't blink. We went with the 2500 as we'd like a TT or a light 5th wheel at some point, but it wouldn't be constant travel or massive weight so the extra diesel cost was still a factor. And we got it far enough down from MSRP. My '17 maxxed around 14k towing, the '21 with the 4.10 is nearly 17k. Even with a percentage held in reserve that's probably more than I'll ever need but it's nice to have.
If you're going to tow heavy and/or frequently, and have the scratch, I'd say diesel is the better option. Or possibly if you'll be running hills a lot. So far my 6.4s have had surprisingly good mileage (around 16 in town, 22ish on hwy) UNLESS I'm in constant stop & go or on hills. Then it's 5-8 MPG. :/ Towing will tank it unless in a diesel, hence frequency and weight consideration. But overall it sounds like the 6.4L should work fine for your needs.
I can't speak to the lifter issue as I haven't seen it. I just keep oil changes on schedule with the dealer since I've often found oil change discounts. Fingers crossed it stays that way.